In the mid-80s, Robert Sternberg and a team of Yale researchers began an in-depth investigation into the nature of romantic love. Sternberg's research led him to coin the Triangular Theory of Love, which espouses that romantic love comprises three elements: passion, intimacy, and commitment. However, a few decades down the track, it may seem like this definition of love is rather narrow and negates many types of loving relationships that are cherished and celebrated across the world. However, a closer look at the theory will reveal that it stands true to this day, as it applies to many types of relationships, including types that have been defined in the new millennium.

A Different Way of Seeing Commitment

It is important to note that when Sternberg referred to commitment, he was not necessarily talking about monogamous commitment. In fact, the term can easily apply to polyamorous and other relationship structures, so long as the three elements of love are present in one combination or another. For instance, commitment can still be present in a 'tolyamorous' relationship-that is, one that is not quite polyamory or monogamy, but instead, something in between. For instance, one partner may accept their partner's occasional 'infidelities' or they may not mind if their partner has sexual experiences via InstaCams or apps. Some couples are very much committed to their relationship, even though they may be 'swingers' who exchange partners or engage in group sex at organized events. Some may even favor relationship anarchy, in which hierarchies and traditional norms are altogether rejected in favor of allowing connections to happen organically, free of rules.  Commitment, then, is a wide term that simply involves deciding to maintain a relationship over a sustained period of time. 

A New Way of Viewing Intimacy

Intimacy, too, does not necessarily involve having sex. It simply involves feeling a sense of closeness and connection. That means that a couple may base their relationship on pure companionship, without the notions of romantic love. Bear in mind that for much of human history, marriage was primarily an economic and political institution, often created as part of strategic alliances. That is, romance is a relatively new concept in the large scheme of things, and some couples are giving it a miss in favor of 'companionate relationships.' That is, they are prioritizing friendship and shared goals and interests over sexual passion.

Passion is a Spectrum, Too

For Sternberg, passion in romantic partnerships referred to the drives that lead to sexual consummation, romance, and physical attraction. However, he recognized that there are many more types of love other than romance, including friendship, infatuation, and empty love (the latter being commitment without passion or intimacy). He also found that relationships are constantly changing, and one type of love can evolve into another. 

Love is typically pictured in films as monogamous, passionate, and romantic, but research has shown that love is a spectrum that each couple is free to decide. Whether you are hoping for a 'ride or die' love or one that is anarchic, it is up to you and your partner to design the type of relationship you wish to have. So long as you remain committed and intimate, you can have a successful relationship that you can define as love, lust, friendship, or something in between.